Let me explain something to you,
I can see why the dropout and depression rates for PGs is so god damn high. I am 5 weeks into my course now and I'm in bed crying as opposed to my Sociolinguistics workshop? Why? Because I don't feel like I can do it. I feel like dropping out of University or changing course or just doing something that isn't being in that bloody classroom.
I am going through all the unsettlement that I had as a Freshling. I have to be able to trust somebody that has yet to teach me to be able to explain what I am feeling. Somedays I sit in the classroom with no idea of what's going on, scared to say something because I'm worried that I'll sound stupid.
The reading is confusing at best and overwhelming at worst. I have gone from simple 'yes. I spotted this,' in undergraduate to 'Which one because they all looked the same after page 2 and it doesn't help that there's overlap and a lot of things talk about the same bloody thing.'
I am writing a literature review and have no idea if it's any good. I could have written 1000 words of BS and I would be 6 pence none the wiser. My only saving grace is that it's 15% only.
I sit there late at night reading or typing just trying to make sense of the situation. I question whether this is something I really want to do, or do I cut my losses now, apply for a TA job and drop out? I feel that I'm not capable of doing the course, I mean everyone just picks up tenses with a click of a finger and I just nod.
I stand in the mirror at times and wonder to myself, 'How the fuck can I be a good PG officer when I can't even look after myself.'
Sleep in the week is a luxury at best. Long nights of typing, combined with the drunken songs of Freshlings that you are very jealous of means 1ams are not uncommon. I didn't eat last night until half past 10 at night and that's because I forced myself to eat because I only had some Krispy Kremes and a sarnie.
I am making myself ill because I'm forgetting to look after the one person who is most important. I try to have some form of social life and I'm punished with another article or another essay or some more books I have to understand.
I went home last weekend and I cried. I cried so much that my mother banned me from doing anything to do with my MA whilst I was there and here I am again. In bed, crying to my mother on Facebook, at least with the 3rd year of my BA, I had a breakdown once a week.
So yeah, that's my current situation, my job now is to work out how we stop other PGs feeling this way.
Until I work that out folks,
Toodle pips,
Kelly Davies
I can see why the dropout and depression rates for PGs is so god damn high. I am 5 weeks into my course now and I'm in bed crying as opposed to my Sociolinguistics workshop? Why? Because I don't feel like I can do it. I feel like dropping out of University or changing course or just doing something that isn't being in that bloody classroom.
I am going through all the unsettlement that I had as a Freshling. I have to be able to trust somebody that has yet to teach me to be able to explain what I am feeling. Somedays I sit in the classroom with no idea of what's going on, scared to say something because I'm worried that I'll sound stupid.
The reading is confusing at best and overwhelming at worst. I have gone from simple 'yes. I spotted this,' in undergraduate to 'Which one because they all looked the same after page 2 and it doesn't help that there's overlap and a lot of things talk about the same bloody thing.'
I am writing a literature review and have no idea if it's any good. I could have written 1000 words of BS and I would be 6 pence none the wiser. My only saving grace is that it's 15% only.
I sit there late at night reading or typing just trying to make sense of the situation. I question whether this is something I really want to do, or do I cut my losses now, apply for a TA job and drop out? I feel that I'm not capable of doing the course, I mean everyone just picks up tenses with a click of a finger and I just nod.
I stand in the mirror at times and wonder to myself, 'How the fuck can I be a good PG officer when I can't even look after myself.'
Sleep in the week is a luxury at best. Long nights of typing, combined with the drunken songs of Freshlings that you are very jealous of means 1ams are not uncommon. I didn't eat last night until half past 10 at night and that's because I forced myself to eat because I only had some Krispy Kremes and a sarnie.
I am making myself ill because I'm forgetting to look after the one person who is most important. I try to have some form of social life and I'm punished with another article or another essay or some more books I have to understand.
I went home last weekend and I cried. I cried so much that my mother banned me from doing anything to do with my MA whilst I was there and here I am again. In bed, crying to my mother on Facebook, at least with the 3rd year of my BA, I had a breakdown once a week.
So yeah, that's my current situation, my job now is to work out how we stop other PGs feeling this way.
Until I work that out folks,
Toodle pips,
Kelly Davies
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